This is a short story about me. l share my vulnerabilities of living with fear in the hope it reaches someone who is struggling with theirs.
What l understand is that fear is a reaction that we all feel from time to time, but for some it is a constant battle. That was me for many years.
With hindsight and being a practicing Holistic Counsellor, I see fear as a clay mask that hides the truth and potentiality of a human being - the golden essence of their spirit. Removing the mask, reveals truth, the core of you that is whole and gorgeous. It is the ego driven fear that propels a response to hide, play small or reject your wants and desires. This inevitably causes an internal suffering that is intensified through a deep hurt creating thoughts of not being good enough, not deserving and shattering your self esteem.
My journey is not dissimilar to many others, childhood spent seeking approval and attention of parents who were busy working long hours and emotionally disconnected because of their own upbringing. I experienced loneliness and separateness from my truest self at a very young age. I saw my vulnerabilities as embarrassing - being an introvert and empathic was a battle, preferring to hide myself and not be seen.
At times, I sought to prove myself but when l did, I fell back into hiding because of fear. This place of fear was comfortable and easy. Unfortunately, the yo-yo behavior perpetuated the self defeating thoughts that l was unlovable, not important and not capable.
Many of my friendships and first marriage mirrored perfectly what l had nurtured. Let it be know that the negative thoughts and fear I had created and attracted to me - I just did not have the awareness at the time to recognise this.
I can't quite pin point when l decided consciously to make love my choice point rather than fear and allow it to stand upright in my reality. There was no ah-ha moment but more so a series of events that buckled my life and stagnated my potential.
I could feel the gentle push from my soul to let my fear emotion fuel me, not fail me. I knew had to take accountability of my life, to move forward with courage to create a new chapter in my book - a romance of renewal and rebirth where l was the star and fear took a back seat.
I sought counselling and started to read books on how to overcome fear and build my self esteem.
Hindsight is a valuable tool, because when I reflect back on life, I often realised many times, when fear presented itself, overwhelming my mind and body - I was in fact being redirected to something unbelievably better, but l did not see it.
There isn't a soul on this planet that doesn't feel fear. We live in uncertain times where fear is the basis of media coverage and constantly in our face. Present times need people to love and be courageous. We are all divine beings of light, and here to contribute our unique essence of truth - to be unapologetically you!
So lets take some steps to leave fear at the door and embrace all the quirky and best bits of you that contribute something truly special to the planet. Here are my top six tips that l used to get me out of fear mentality.
1. Awareness - before you can begin overcoming fear, you have to be aware that your fears are causing havoc in your life. It’s easy to get so attached to your thoughts and feelings that you think they are all that exist, which couldn’t be further from the truth. You are not your fears. You are the awareness that experiences it.
2. Gratitude - whenever you feel fear, switch it over to what you are grateful for instead. If you’re afraid of public speaking, be grateful for the opportunity to communicate with so many people, and that they are there to genuinely listen to what you have to say.
3. Talk - no-brainer advice, but how often do we hold the negative in because we are afraid of how others might react, or because of some other reason? Talking helps, but don’t throw a pity party for yourself. If you're not comfortable speaking to family or friends, find a good therapist. Therapy can be highly beneficial, even life-changing. If finding the right therapist for you is hard, listen to your heart and choose someone who resonates with you.
4. Read - reading a good book on your specific fear can open new doors on how you can get rid of it. I also like to read a lot of motivational and inspirational work on and around the topic I’m dealing with.
5. Meaning - I believe we all go through things for a reason. That includes the fears we have. It also includes overcoming fear and learning the lessons that come out of it. This may not be the case 100% of the time, but when I look back at the challenges and fears in my life, I see that more often than not, they delivered exactly the message I needed at that time.
6. Breathe - your breath can set you free. It can anchor you in the now and help you vanquish and overcome your most pervasive fears. I saved it for last, because it’s one of the simplest and most powerful ways of overcoming fear.
Eliminating fear from your life is possible the moment you decide to listen to your heart. To do this you must understand that life is a journey of self-discovery, of new experiences and uncertainty. The uncertainty you experience is what makes life exciting and exhilarating. It’s what living is all about, and it’s the reason why our fears are not to be avoided, but rather to be understood and acted upon.
Special thanks to wakeupcloud.com for overcoming fear tips. To see the extended list, go to https://www.wakeupcloud.com/overcoming-fear/
'I started seeing Carmela a few months ago, for both Reiki and Holistic Counselling. Carmela amazes me each time with her caring loving nature, her enthusiasm and her beautiful soul. I believe I am very lucky that Carmela has come into my life, and I will continue to have Reiki and counselling with her.' ~ Wendy S, Langwarrin, Victoria, Australia
'Carmela has changed my life in so many ways. I was struggling and without direction. I played small because l didn't know how to get out of this limiting mindset. She guided me gently and opened a space of compassion and connection. I am so thankful and grateful of her skills to open a heart like mine that was closed for so long due to grief and childhood neglect. Thank you Carmela for what you do. She is amazing.' ~ Stephanie B, Mornington, Victoria, Australia
Carmela Pollock is a certified Counsellor, Usui Reiki Master teacher, award winning published author and advocate for mental health & women's health & well-being. Located in Mornington, Victoria, Australia she actively contributes to a number of charities that support women's health.
If you would like to know more about Carmela's services, visit her website at www.soulworksessential.com/workwithme