Breaking Free from the Prison of Yesterday

I've sat across from hundreds of beautiful souls carrying burdens they were never meant to carry forever. In my years as a holistic based Counsellor, I've learned that forgiveness is perhaps the most misunderstood gift we can give ourselves. Let me tell you something I wish someone had told me long ago...

Forgiveness doesn't erase what happened. It doesn't rewrite your story or pretend the pain was imaginary. What it does is far more profound. It takes away the past's power to keep wounding you, day after day, in the tender spaces of your heart.

The Weight You Were Never Meant to Carry Alone

Your body remembers what your mind tries to forget. When someone betrays us, when we're deeply hurt, or when we fail ourselves in ways we can't seem to let go, that pain doesn't just live in our thoughts. It settles into our shoulders, our chest, our very cells. The research confirms what I see in my counselling room every day, chronic unforgiveness literally makes us sick. Dr. Fred Luskin's beautiful work at Stanford University showed that when we learn to forgive, we experience genuine relief from hurt, anger, and the exhausting weight of holding on.

But here's the truth that might surprise you, forgiveness isn't about them. It's about you. It's about choosing yourself, your peace, your precious life force over the story that keeps replaying in your mind at 3 a.m.

When It's Someone Else Who Hurt You

I know what you might be thinking. "But they don't deserve my forgiveness. They never even said sorry." I hear you. I've been there too. Here's what I've learned, both personally and professionally; forgiveness isn't a gift to someone who wronged you. It's oxygen for your own soul.

Think of it this way. Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to feel sick. Meanwhile, you're the one who can't sleep, who replays the hurt over and over, who carries this heaviness into every new day. Dr. Robert Enright, who has devoted his life to understanding forgiveness, reminds us that forgiving someone doesn't mean what they did was okay. It doesn't mean you have to trust them again or let them back into your life. It simply means you're choosing to free yourself from the prison of bitterness.

You can forgive someone and never speak to them again. You can forgive and still set firm boundaries. Forgiveness is your freedom, not their redemption.

The Tender Work of Forgiving Yourself

Now, this is where it gets tough, because somehow, we often find it easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. The mistakes we made, the person we hurt, the moment we didn't show up the way we wish we had. These memories can haunt us mercilessly.

I see my clients and how they can replay that moment, that decision, that failure. I see how they made it mean something about their worth. But what if I told you that your humanity, including your imperfection, is not something to forgive but something to embrace?

Dr. Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion shows us that treating ourselves with the same kindness we'd offer a struggling friend doesn't just feel better, it actually helps us grow and heal. Self-forgiveness isn't letting yourself off the hook. It's recognising that you were doing the best you could with what you knew and who you were in that moment. You've grown since then. The person you are today wouldn't make that same choice. That's what growth looks like.

The Sacred Space of Healing Together

In my counselling practice, I've witnessed something magical happen when someone finally allows themselves to explore forgiveness in a safe, held space. Sometimes we need another human to sit with us in our pain, to reflect back our inherent worthiness, to gently guide us through the tangled emotions we've been carrying alone.

Forgiveness work in counselling isn't about forcing yourself to "get over it." It's about creating room for all of it, the anger, the grief, the betrayal, the shame, and then slowly, tenderly, finding your way to the other side. Together, we untangle the stories you've been telling yourself. We honour what happened while releasing its grip on your present. We practice speaking words of compassion to the parts of you that are still hurting.

I've seen people transform when they finally give themselves permission to heal. The counselling room becomes a sanctuary where you can lay down the weapons you've been using against yourself and others. Where you can practice forgiveness as a gentle daily returning to yourself, not a single heroic act. This is holistic healing, mind, body, heart, and spirit, all finding their way back to peace.

Questions to Sit With

I invite you to get quiet with yourself. Maybe brew some tea or coffee, find a comfortable spot, and let these questions simply be with you. You don't need to answer them right away. Just let them open doorways in your heart.

1. What hurt am I still carrying that's taking up space where peace could live?

2. If I imagine releasing this pain, what does my inner critic say? What am I afraid will happen if I let go?

3. Who am I waiting to apologise, to change, to acknowledge my pain before I can move forward? What would it feel like to free myself anyway?

4. If my dearest friend had made the mistake I'm still punishing myself for, what would I say to them? Can I offer myself those same words?

5. What might bloom in my life if this heavy stone of resentment or shame wasn't weighing down my heart?

6. What's one small, tender step toward forgiveness I could take today, just for me?

A Final Thought

Forgiveness is not weakness. It's not spiritual bypassing or toxic positivity. It's one of the bravest things you'll ever do. It's saying, "What happened matters. It hurt. And I'm choosing not to let it define the rest of my story."

The past will always be a chapter in your book. But forgiveness ensures you're still the author, still writing, still creating new pages filled with peace, joy, and the lightness that comes from finally setting down what you were never meant to carry forever.

You deserve that freedom. You always have.

Carmela Pollock is based in Mornington, Victoria, where she operates a successful private practice offering dynamic, holistic services, including individual counselling and group workshops. She brings heart energy to every service, assisting clients in discovering their blueprint by guiding them to explore their inner world, dismantle unhelpful patterns, and build a new, values-based foundation. She inspires clients to reach higher and find their own self-inspiration, supporting them until they confidently walk their own journey alone. If you want to know more about Carmela's services, visit her website.