Making Space for Change: Skills for Staying Present When Emotions Run High

I've sat with countless people in my practice who've described that overwhelming moment when emotions surge through them like a tidal wave. Their heart races, their thoughts spiral, and suddenly they do or say things they later regret. If this sounds familiar, I want you to know something important, you're not broken, and you're not alone.

Our emotions exist for a reason. They're messengers, carrying valuable information about our needs, boundaries, and experiences. But when they run high, our nervous system can shift into survival mode, making it incredibly difficult to think clearly or respond in ways that align with our values. This is where the skill of staying present becomes not just helpful, but transformative.

Creating Space Between Feeling, Reacting and Making Space for What Matters

The first thing I teach clients is that staying present doesn't mean suppressing your emotions or pretending everything is fine. It means learning to pause, even for just a few seconds, between the feeling arising and your response to it. This pause is sacred ground where change becomes possible.

1. Pause and notice your body first. When emotions intensify, scan for physical sensations. Where do you feel them? Tight chest? Clenched fists? Racing heart?

2. Name what you notice. Simply label the sensations: "I'm noticing my jaw is tight" or "I can feel heat rising in my face." This creates critical distance between you and the emotional storm. You're no longer drowning in the feeling; you're observing it.

3. Label the emotion without fusion to it. Say "I'm having the thought that I'm worthless" rather than "I am worthless." This defuses from the thought, reminding you that feelings aren't facts.

4. Ground yourself in the present. Take three slow breaths. Notice your feet on the floor, the sounds around you, or the objects you can see. This anchors you to now, not the story your mind is spinning.

5. Connect to your values. Ask: "What kind of person do I want to be right now? What matters most here?" Let your values guide your next move.

6. Choose your response consciously. You can't control feelings, but you can choose actions aligned with who you want to be, even while carrying difficult emotions.

The Power of the Breath

I know it might sound too simple, but your breath is one of the most powerful tools you have. When emotions run high, our breathing often becomes shallow and rapid, which signals danger to our nervous system. By intentionally slowing your breathing, perhaps inhaling for four counts and exhaling for eight, you're sending a message of safety to your body. You're telling yourself, "I can handle this moment."

Grounding Yourself in the Present

Another skill I share is what I call the "5-4-3-2-1 technique." When you're overwhelmed, notice five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This practice gently guides your attention back to the present moment rather than to the stories your mind might be creating about the past or the future.

Self-Compassion as Foundation

Perhaps most importantly, staying present requires self-compassion. You will have moments when you react before you pause. You'll say things you wish you hadn't. This is part of being human. The question isn't whether you'll struggle, but how you'll treat yourself when you do.

Change happens not through harsh self-judgment, but through gentle, persistent practice. Each time you notice your emotions rising and choose to pause, even briefly, you're rewiring old patterns. You're creating new pathways in your brain that make presence more accessible over time.

You deserve the peace that comes from knowing you can stay with yourself, even in difficult moments. That peace is possible, one present breath at a time.

Carmela Pollock is based in Mornington, Victoria, where she operates a successful private practice offering dynamic, holistic services, including individual counselling and group workshops. She brings heart energy to every service, assisting clients in discovering their blueprint by guiding them to explore their inner world, dismantle unhelpful patterns, and build a new, values-based foundation. She inspires clients to reach higher and find their own self-inspiration, supporting them until they confidently walk their own journey alone. If you want to know more about Carmela's services, visit her website.