The Boundaries Series - PART 1
Updated: Mar 3, 2019
If you are serious about practicing self care to avoid the overwhelm, anxiety, fatigue and build confidence, the following 7 tips will help you on your journey to making an important start in those self care goals in 2019. Setting boundaries with those we love, including colleagues is an important step in stopping the energy 'drain'.
1. Know your limits
Before becoming involved in a situation, know what’s acceptable to you, and what isn’t. It’s best to be as specific as possible, or you might be pulled into the trap of giving just a little bit more, over and over, until you’ve given far too much.
2. Know your values
Every person’s limits are different, and they’re often determined by their personal values. For example, if you value family above all else, this might lead to stricter limits on how late you will stay at work, away from family. Know what’s most important to you, and protect it.
3. Be assertive
When you know it’s time to set a boundary, don’t be shy. Say “no” respectfully, but without ambiguity. If you can make a compromise while respecting your own boundaries, try it. This is a good way to soften the “no”, while showing respect to everyone involved.
4. Listen to your emotions
If you notice feelings of discomfort or resentment, don’t bury them. Try to understand what your feelings are telling you. Resentment, for example, can often be traced to feelings of being taken advantage of.
5. Have self respect
If you always give in to others, ask if you are showing as much respect to yourself as you show to others. Boundaries that are too open might be due to misguided attempts to be liked by elevating other people’s needs above one’s own.
6. Have respect for others
Be sure that your actions are not self-serving, at the expense of others. Interactions should not be about winning, or taking as much as possible. Instead, consider what’s fair to everyone, given the setting and relationship. You might “win”, but at the cost of a relationship’s long-term health.
7. Consider the long view
Some days you will give more than you take, and other days you will take more than you give. Be willing to take a longer view of relationships, when appropriate. But if you’re always the one who’s giving or taking, there might be a problem.
Check in next week where l will be covering PART 2 on 6 types of Personal boundaries and the difference between rigid, porous, and healthy boundaries through the use of examples.
Carmela Pollock is a certified Counsellor, Usui Reiki Master Teacher, award winning published author and advocate for mental health & women's health & well-being. Located in Mornington, Victoria, Australia she supports women and children in therapy using western and eastern techniques across Australia and internationally. She also actively contributes to a number of charities that support women's health.
If you would like to know more about Carmela's services, or attend a one-on-one boundaries session, visit her website to make an appointment at www.soulworksessential.com/workwithme
'I started seeing Carmela a few months ago, for both Reiki and Holistic Counselling. Carmela amazes me each time with her caring loving nature, her enthusiasm and her beautiful soul. I believe I am very lucky that Carmela has come into my life, and I will continue to have Reiki and counselling with her.'
~ Wendy S, Langwarrin, Victoria, Australia
'Carmela has changed my life in so many ways. I was struggling and without direction. I played small because l didn't know how to get out of this limiting mindset. She guided me gently and opened a space of compassion and connection. I am so thankful and grateful of her skills to open a heart like mine that was closed for so long due to grief and childhood neglect. Thank you Carmela for what you do. She is amazing.'
~ Stephanie B, Mornington, Victoria, Australia